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Fast Food Halloween Costumes
Dear foodies, The time is upon us. Though not quite Halloween, it’s time for the stragglers and indecisive motherfrontdoors to decide on a costume. Thankfully, here at Fast Foodies, we believe in the old adage “you are what you eat” — rather, “you should dress as what you eat.” Although I believe this year Mary is going as a character from uber-trendy TV drama Breaking Bad, and I am abstaining from Halloween festivities for personal reasons … Read entire article »
Filed under: Fast Food, Secular Holidays, Uncategorized
Secular Holidays: National Doughnut Day
When you rolled out of bed this morning, swallowed some vitamins and cold pizza for breakfast (they cancel each other, right?!), I bet you thought it was shaping up to be a standard Friday, foodies. But while it is still a Friday in the sense that you will probably imbibe too much tonight and break your budget on a cab home, today is not a normal Friday. Today is National Doughnut Day. It’s sort of like the opposite of Friday the thirteenth. Instead … Read entire article »
Filed under: Breaking News, Secular Holidays
Secular Holidays: Baconalia
It’s that time of year again, foodies — the time of year when some of my friends inexplicably go home to see their parents on a weekday. I mean, HAPPY PASSOVER! For our Gentile/non-New York audience, Passover is the holiday where … um … hold up, I gotta Google this. Growing up in Chicago, my exposure to Judaism consisted of an hour long Sunday School lecture on “the other guys”, sleeping through a friend’s tone-deaf Bat … Read entire article »
Filed under: Secular Holidays
Secular Holidays: Free Cone Day
I scream, you scream, we all scream … because our taxes are due in less than a week and we haven’t saved a single W2 and oh my God Obama Democrats taxes Republican buzzwords? PSYCHE. I mean we all scream for ice cream. As in, today is Free Cone Day at Ben & Jerry’s. Now shhh, use your inside voices. Yes, it’s that time of year again — when Girl’s Night sponsor Ben & Jerry’s just gives … Read entire article »
Filed under: Secular Holidays
Secular Holidays: Pi Day
For those of us with a calculator, a calendar, and a non-existent sex life, today is March 14th — Pi Day! The Kingdom Come of all Pi Days is still four years off: 3/14/15 — only seven months before Marty McFly will mount a hoverboard. That doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate by consuming all manner of crusty, gooey confections. If you’re stuck in the office, courageously purchase the Hostess Pie that’s been sitting on the bottom row of the vending machine since you were hired. This being Fast Foodies, though, I encourage you to turn to America’s most abundant source of empty calories, the McDonald’s Dollar Menu. For a mere buck and change, you’ll be biting into not one, but two apple-filled, rectangular pie-things. Recommendation: go one step beyond like Briana and add … Read entire article »
Filed under: Secular Holidays
Filet-o-Doubt
It’s the Lenten season, and that means no meat for the devout, no meat on Fridays for the Sunday crowd, and Facebook status posts of “giving up Lent for Lent” for the cafeteria Catholics. Since God apparently forgot to include fish on the “Qualifies as Meat” guest list, for forty days the seafood industry makes a killing. For the fast food industry, it spells a spike in fish product sales — products like the controversial Filet-o-Fish. Like women’s rights in America, the fast food fish sandwich is a divisive entity. A lot of people turn their nose up at the notion of a fish sandwich, let alone a fast food fish sandwich. But all I have to say to those snobs is: I can see your nostril hairs. Is there anything better … Read entire article »
Filed under: Secular Holidays
Mardi Gras
Bust out the noise makers and bad decisions, because today’s the day when any post-pubescent woman can score beads in a titty-based economy: Mardi Gras! It’s New Orleans that brings out the big guns for Mardi Gras, and considering what a reaming the Big Easy’s taken in the past decade, it deserves every bizarrely-costumed second. For those of us in a city more susceptible to natural disasters of the Lindsay Lohan variety, we get yet another excuse to celebrate in the time-honored tradition of American holidays: eating and drinking ourselves into a coma. Mardi Gras is the last day before Lent, also known as Lazy Ramadan. Ostensibly it’s a Catholic season of fasting, but usually it just ends up as an excuse not to feel bad/disgusting about eating the Filet-o-Fish on Friday. Mardi Gras was … Read entire article »
Filed under: Secular Holidays
Briana
Briana is a fast food aficionado and graduate of NYU with a degree in Abnormal Psychology & Creative Writing. A South Carolina native, she spends her days pining for Zaxby's spicy fried mushrooms and her nights sleeping.
Mary
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