A McDonalds Sauce Review: Sauced Girls Saucily Reviewing Sauce

Hey foodies,

As soon as the clock struck 11PM and the open bar closed, Mary “coincidentally” decided we should probably head on out from the Webutante Ball. Although both of us have been known to be exceptional lushes from time to time, as we age so too does our amount of responsibility. It was a Tuesday evening, she had work in the AM and I had GRE studying to do, etc. Ergo, after only three drinks each, we bid our farewells and stepped out onto Tenth Avenue in our uncharacteristically girly dresses.

At that particular level of inebriation (low-to-moderate, brought on by neither of us having had a substantial dinner), we weren’t per se tipsy, yet  not sober. And what did we want to do, our inhibitions slightly lowered: Dance? Call up our respective paramours and bargain our way into a booty call? Pee outside? No, foodies, none of these things. Any awkwardness we felt in our dresses and makeup was washed away in the golden glow of two arches.

How the hell is this the first picture that comes up when you google McDonalds? #algorithmfail

Only one thing could happen next. And that one thing…was McDonald’s. Just the thought of hyper-sodiumized comestibles (see, that GRE studying paid off!) was enough to set my stomach a-rumblin’ and I ordered a cheeseburger, a six piece nugget, and a fry. Now, you all know I’m not one for frills. I prefer my fast food as un-ostentatious as possible. No ketchup, onions, sauce, etc.

But keep in mind, I had three vodka cranberries coursing through my veins. I WAS GOIN’ CRAZY. That’s why I ordered THE SAUCE. McDonalds recently introduced ~new~ dipping sauce to its menu: honey mustard, creamy ranch, sweet chili, and spicy buffalo. The McDonalds we went to was kinda janked up, as they only offered 4/6 sauces total. Also, they wouldn’t let me order a 4 piece nugget…so I had to choose the 6 piecer. Guess that was less of a curse and more of a blessing, then, though.

Mary had of course ordered the sauce with her nugs, being as she is the more experimental of the foodies. It was then, with a full spread of three different ~new~ sauces between the two of us, that we would do a video review for our dear foodies.

Before the 3-part review, though, I’d like to direct your attention to a blog we love and respect, Foodette Reviews. She writes like our long-lost FF sister, and even beat us to the new McDonald’s sauce punch. (sauce punch…..ew..)

1. CHIPOTLE BBQ

In which I try to make Mary think I’m taking a picture…because that was my idea of a joke? Ugh, I don’t know. You also get to hear Mary’s Chicago accent!

RATING:
Originality: 3
Overall Satisfaction: 6

2. HONEY MUSTARD

The nearly pornographic account of one nug’s loss of virginity. “I’m a honey mustard fiend,” proclaims Mary. Then I try to make her think there are bedbugs in the sauce…?

RATING:
Originality: 7
Overall Satisfaction: 8

3. SWEET CHILI

My personal least favorite video, due to my weird mug’s presence and WHY IN GOD’S NAME ARE MY EYEBALLS ROLLING AROUND SO MUCH? #embarrassed #willblameitonthevodka Mary also calls me “Bwiana”, inadvertently I think. We ascertain that it has a “middle school kickball league” kick.

RATING:
Originality: 4
Overall Satisfaction: 4

Et tu, foodies? Have you tried the new McDonalds sauces? We’d love to hear your thoughts! Really!

And because it’s appropriate:

Related posts:

1. Lessons in Pick-Up Lines from Taco Bell Border Sauce
2. BREAKING: Funfetti Cookies
3. An Unexpected Lesson in Adulthood